Victory in Surrender

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” –Matthew 16:25 (Bible, NIV)

“The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when life begins.” –Marianne Williamson

I am a fighter. Always have been, always will be. I am a rebel, I rattle cages, I stir things up, I take the path no one else is taking. If I see the mainstream crowd doing one thing, I will almost always do the opposite. Why? I don’t do the opposite of everyone else to be unique or to get attention, but because when I see many people doing something I especially question if what they are doing is true, valid and noble. Even if it is true, valid and noble I question their methodology regarding how they are doing it. Is that the way to do it? And if it is the way to do it, is it the best, efficient and most loving way it can be accomplished?

My fighter, “never say die”, “never surrender”, “never give up” mentality has really helped me in my life to overcome some incredible obstacles. One of the reasons I developed such a persevering mindset I believe is because of my upbringing. I witnessed my parents consistently cave-in and relent so easily to realities they did not have to accept. This seared my soul to do the opposite of them and never give up. I witnessed my father work harder, not smarter and I saw my mother become so bitter and resentful of this reality, which deeply affected me. I wondered why didn’t my father try to get a higher paying job that he really enjoyed? Why didn’t my mom release her negative emotions and speak assertively to my dad about it? My heart and mind were being molded into the man I am today whether I liked it or not. This is now what I call the “hidden gift” of the dysfunctional home I was raised in: my courageous, driven and persevering spirit to never give up.

I am grateful for my incredible spirit of perseverance and courage God has given me as a result; however, I’ve recently come to realize that there really is a time to surrender and give up. It has been so completely life-changing and life-giving to “surrender”! I am shocked I would ever say such a thing about giving up! My heart was so hardened regarding the reality of relenting, giving in, releasing my own way and letting go of my pain. I believed a lie that was actually wrapped up in a truth! (which are always the best lies) The lie said: “never ever give up, no matter what!” The truth is that it’s really a good thing to “never give up”, but it’s a lie that you should “never give up (all the time) no matter what”. The lie is making the statement “never give up” an absolute, in every situation and at every time. This was my folly. If you apply “never giving up” to every situation, then whenever you have an argument with your spouse for example, it’s not going to go too well. It’s not going to go well, because it will always be your way and you will never give up! It is in fact good to surrender and give up at the right time and in specific situations. One of the best things to consistently give up and surrender is any negative emotions you may be holding onto.

Ironically, I never thought my “hidden gift” of perseverance would work against me. I believe most people (as I used to) and particularly men, view “surrender” as weakness. Andrew Harvey said that “Surrender is deeply misunderstood as an act of weakness. Surrender is the bravest and most lucid thing a human ever does, and that’s why it’s so precious to God.” It’s surreal, because I know in my soul, I surrendered my life to God and came to salvation in Jesus Christ. Once you’re saved, you’re always saved, but what I didn’t realize is that there are damaged parts of my soul that require continual surrender! The damaged parts of my soul house layers of hardened negative emotions that I have been holding onto, which are tied to specific memories that have impacted me deeply. It’s these negative emotions that God is now calling me and you to surrender, release and let go of! This is part of our process of true and total forgiveness. The pastor at my church says: “over and over, give it over, until it’s over.” If I’ve surrendered my pain and negative emotions, given it over, released and still find that I am feeling those negative emotions toward a person that has hurt me, that just means I have more to surrender and let go! That’s why you keep giving it over and over, until it is over, completely utterly surrendered! In the place of those negative emotions that you were holding onto will be a sweet serenity of peace that I am just beginning to learn about.

I’ve come to realize for me to get more life out of life I must surrender these very deep hardened negative emotions from my childhood and beyond that lay at the bottom of my soul. These suppressed negative emotions are preventing me from fully experiencing positive emotions and being fully aware, conscious and cognizant of my emotions and the emotions of others. I never could have imagined that emotions were so important and had impacted me so much! That’s because I wasn’t as conscious or aware, but now am becoming more aware with God’s help!

Holding onto our past negative emotions will drain us of life in the present and rob us of life in the future if we choose not to surrender our baggage of negative emotions over and over to God. Notice what I said there, it is a deliberate "choice" we make to actually "hold onto" or "surrender / let go of" our pain. What negative emotions and pain are you holding onto? Scientifically, it has already been proven that positive emotions give life, heal and people who live in higher positive emotional states have more energy and less disease. People who are continually holding onto negative emotions (apathy, depression, grief, fear, anger, pride etc.) have more disease, more stress, less energy and a much more difficult time being healed. Dr. David Hawkins, MD, PhD, said in his book titled appropriately “Letting Go”: “We have the opportunity to choose whether we want to hang on or let go of emotional upsets. We can look at the cost of hanging on to them. Do we want to pay the price? Are we willing to accept the feelings? We can look at the benefits of letting go of them. The choice we make will determine our future. What kind of future do we want? Will we choose to be healed, or will we become one of the walking wounded?”

Wow, the walking wounded! Can you relate with that? I can! I am wounded and need to unleash this pain. Look at the world for 2.5 seconds and you know that it's in deep pain. We are all hurting badly. The consequences for not surrendering our deep pain to God are great as we will remain wounded and inevitably pass down our wounds to our children continuing generational sins. God is calling you and I! God is calling us to release our pain to Him. If we do so, over and over until it's over we will be rewarded with peace and an ocean of joy! Not to mention we will have changed our generation and children lives! The time has come to wave the white flag of surrender for the sake of own life, our children's lives and generations to come!

What is a mechanism or a practical way you can begin to release your pain and negative emotions you may be holding onto? This is a simple tool that has helped me to become more aware of my emotional state, so that I can eventually surrender and let go of it:

1. Awareness: how am I feeling? Pray to God for increased awareness about your feelings and emotions.

2. Recognition: what am I feeling? Identify the specific emotion. Am I feeling good or bad? Negative emotions are: shame, apathy, depression, grief, envy, fear, anger and pride. Positive emotions are: courage, neutrality, acceptance, reason, love, joy and peace.

3. Response: what do I need to do to take care of myself to respond to my emotional state in a safe and loving way to myself? (Go for a walk? Hit a boxing bag? Talk to a safe friend? Breath for 5 minutes? Have some moments of silence? Meditate? etc.)

This is one of my favorite movie scenes ever, it's from the "The Dark Knight Rises". Bruce Wayne "Batman" has gone through incredible hardship and now is locked in a prison that is almost impossible to escape from. Before he victoriously escapes from this real life prison he must escape from a few of his mental / emotional prisons by surrendering: 1) fear 2) anger and finally he arrives at positive higher emotional states of 3) courage, acceptance and peace which propel him to do the "impossible". He is free internally first, then he is able to be free externally! The time has come to RISE up to your greatest self and surrender your past and be set free!!