I grew up like many with a very difficult childhood and suffered the wounds accompanied by that mayhem, which defined my life for years and decades. I believed horrible lies about myself that held me prisoner and captive internally. I could not fully believe the truth about myself and God, though I wanted so desperately to believe all of the Bible, I was mostly paralyzed by my own deep pain of my past. Many parts of the Bible I did believe and I did allow my heart to fully open up to the possibility and hint that God's love in my deepest soul wrenching pain could actually be true. Yet, I simply would not allow God's love to go beyond my hard heart to the deepest part of my soul where I was suffering the most with a boiling ocean of pain.

 

I was physically abused as a child by my father and thus countless lies were planted deep within me that left me with extreme feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment, shame, sadness, grief, betrayal, loneliness and vulnerability. My self-esteem was low, my self-value was low and belief in myself was minimal at best. I would hide, suppress and push down my pain or indulge in escapism behaviors to medicate me from my deep wounds that just seemed to never go away.

 

Despite my unresolved pain, I accomplished much in life especially considering the circumstances that were dealt to me. I still refused, however, to talk about my pain and choose instead to believe that talking about it was a "waste of time" or that I was "being a burden" to whomever I talked to. Besides, who wants to talk about their terrible pain in their free time? Pretty much no one, until I realized two deep and important truths:

1. talking about my pain allows me to express, release and surrender it to God and re-parent myself with love  

2. talking about my pain is an honor for a safe listener.

These two realities were a breakthrough for me that are helping me to face my ocean of pain, unravel it, unearth it and recreate it into a masterpiece of love with God's help. This is what I now believe about God's love to relentlessly pursue me, you and us and turn our ashes into beauty. Isaiah 61:3 says: "to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." 

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Wow! Could that really be true?! I want joy, instead of mourning! I want praise, instead of despair! And I want to be an oak of righteousness! What do you want? Are you fatigued of the little kicks, highs and drudgery of mourning and despair? The time has come! I want to invite you on a journey to walk through your pain as I walk through mine. This is a journey that is truly less traveled and will be very painful, but also extremely liberating! This journey will call upon every fiber of our being. You and I will have to muster relentless courage to face our baggage and look in the mirror and tell the truth. At the end of this narrow road is healing, joy and peace that will change your life, your spouse, your children and generations to come!

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I will not be revealing my name and identity right now. Honestly, it really doesn't matter who I am. I am no one famous at all. I am simply someone who has experienced terrible madness in my life (probably just like you) and I want to remain anonymous so that I will not hold anything back from myself right now. The truth will set us free! Let's be free together, face our ocean of pain together and walk in the joy and peace God has for us together!

 

Honored to walk with you in your Righteous Reckoning journey,

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John Wood

Righteous Reckoning Founder

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